the return of the painter's block (conquered)

[WEDNESDAY 26 JANUARY 2011]
Couldn't sleep last night, my mind was plagued by the logistics of mounting 1,966 post-it notes.  It is definitely too early to be fretting over such things - the exhibition is at the start of March.  I'll be a sleepless wreck by the end of February...

Enough faffing.  I must go and paint.  Or at least loiter in the studio away from this creative drain that is the computer.

I think I've hit painter's block again.  I know this because I came in from the studio just after 12.00 and I'm still here at 13.24.  And when I was out there before I didn't do anything except paint over 'Home Sweet Home' again, which isn't actually painting, even though it involves a brush and paint.  I knew I shouldn't have prematurely added the 'Procrastination' label to this post.

In other news, I printed off some slides of morse code.  Though I'm not at liberty to say what they spell.

ENOUGH!  I'm turning off the computer.

Well, I'm pleased to say something did get done.  First: the weekly touch-up of the secret date plaque, then: a bright idea.  I had been intending to wait until it got dark to do some projections, but with lack of anything else to do, I went ahead whilst the light was fading.

I now have 2 canvases, sketched out with new neon motifs: The new improved 'Home Sweet Home' with a standardised neon font; and the "rockface no.2", with a morse code message painted into the crack.

All I needed was to have something new to get my teeth into.  And now I'm eager to get back to werk next week.

Exhibition press for I THINK OF YOU AND I SMILE

I just found this little preview for 'I Think Of You And I Smile', from the Brighton Latest magazine.

Neon Painting: I Think Of You And I Smile

I Think Of You And I Smile

2010

oil and mixed media on canvas

165cm x 118cm

A large scale canvas completed in July 2010, this was short-listed for the FringeMK painting prize, for which I submitted the following statement:

A poorly lit back-alley; a bleak and dour town. A stuttering, fluorescent glow draws you in: “I think of you and I smile”. Serene and pure white neon shimmers against a filthy, water-stained wall. A heartfelt and private reflection rendered in stark, clinical form; the plainly personal made unabashedly public.

The painting debuted at my first solo show, also titled 'I Think Of You And I Smile', at Blanch House, Brighton, Aug-Sep 2010.

And finally, two photos of the painting in-situ at the 'I Think Of You And I Smile' exhibition.

Destruction reigns: goodbye Home Sweet Home

[WEDNESDAY 19 JANUARY 2011]
I decided to get an early night last night, with the intention of waking up early and getting all the menial background tasks done first thing so I could have a full day of painting at my disposal.  The reality is that I woke up just before 9am, with a splitting headache. I am currently ploughing my way through an abridged list of menial tasks, so I must get on.

The things I do for my art.  I have just spent a stupid amount of time taking 81 post-it notes from a book and sticking them on a monitor.  I took a few photos, and then spent a load more time returning them, in order, to the note-book.  This is just a fanciful thing I wanted to do for the Work/Work exhibition, it will in no way form, or inform, the "artwork", but I wanted to have some documentation of a part of the "artwork".

It is 11.52, and I have wasted enough time.  The studio is calling me...

I did the customary once over of the secret date canvas, then flooded the crack in "the rock face" with more pink paint: Rose Madder, Titanium White, Permanent Geranium, Permanent Magenta.  In a fit of bravery I hinted the spread of the glow onto the edges along the crack.  Not sure if that was a good idea.  I put it aside for another week or two.

I sat there waiting for the inspiration to come.  It didn't.  When inspiration deserts me, it is sometimes good to let destruction reign.  Out comes the sandpaper, and then the white paint: goodbye 'Home Sweet Home'.

white light

[WEDNESDAY 12 JANUARY 2011]
It is 10.56am, I have just spent some time preparing images for my presentation at the 'Work/Work' exhibition meeting tonight.  I also produced a plan of how the post-it notes could be displayed in blocks of 150 (10 across x 15 down).

I didn't actually make it out to the studio until after lunch, giving myself about 2 hours to get any painting done.  But the post-it note developments had to be done, it may not be painting, but it is another facet of my creative output.

I worked on the date plaque, building up another layer of the the subtle white glow.  Afterwards I used the left over white paint to improve the cold glow of the white "path of least resistance".

Soon enough it was 4pm: time to clean up and change into my civvies and catch a train to London...

contemplation

[WEDNESDAY 05 JANUARY 2011]
First day back at the easel after a lonnnnnng break.  It would be nice to say it is easy to just settle back into it.  But that would be a lie.  Conversely it hasn't been the uphill struggle I was expecting, though I have probably been easing myself back in gently.  Need to get my confidence back before I embark on proper painting, so I occupy myself with tinkering away at those more inconsequential tasks.

I have decide to flood the crack in the rock-face with pink neon glow, though at present it just looks like it's been painted over badly with magenta, and I need to wait for that to dry before I embark on the next layer.

There goes my my first bout of proper procrastinating of the year - thank you the internet.  I snapped out of it and made a cup of tea, and trudged back out through the fine, icy rain.  I then sat there listening to the music for probably about 15 minutes in this position:

I'd like to say I was deep in thought, but the truth is I was contemplating nothing more than this:

Time to call it a day, I reckon.

the new year message

happy new year campers!
This blog has now been in existence for almost 2 years.  Yes, two whole years of me spouting out my internal dialogue onto the screen.  Two whole years of self-indulgently recording "the struggle".  There have been good days and there have been not so good days.  But it's helped me to not have all this swimming round my head.

I seem to have been a bit slack of late: December shoved my painting to the side in favour of various social and seasonal commitments. And then there was the snow.  But it's the first week of January, and it feels good to be back (to paraphrase a certain fallen glam-rocker.  I say fallen, I probably mean vilified!).

Current news is that I'm involved in an exhibition titled 'Work/Work', investigating the difficult balance of paid work and creative work, for the artist.  The exhibition will take place in March in a sweet little gallery space in East London.  I plan to show an archive of nearly 2000 post-it note "artworks".  I will be presenting my plans/ideas to the group next Wednesday.

And so all that remains is for me to switch off the computer, take up my bag and skip round to the studio.
HI-HO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the afternoon shift

[WEDNESDAY 08 DECEMBER 2010]
Just an afternoon shift today, I've been working this morning making the jigsaws for the kids and sending out old tat I've sold on eBay.

The afternoon shift consists of endless repeated layers of white glow added to the neon of the secret date plaque.

That is all I do, until 6.30pm.  And then I head home.

snow, and an old sock on my hand

[WEDNESDAY 01 DECEMBER 2010]
The first day of December and the snow came down.  Gatwick airport is closed and I may be stuck here tonight.  Might as well get some painting done then.  Just as soon as I've cleared a path to the garret.

1 hour later: I'm settled with a cup of tea and the heater on.  I spend some time with an old sock on my hand, rubbing grime off the neon numbers of the secret date plaque with the tip of my little finger and turpentine.  Such remedial werk is time consuming yet essential.  It is not glamorous.

Sat there with the snow coming down outside it is hard to concentrate, the icy wind blowing in from the North keeps catching the garage door and it creeps open to let in the cold.  Lunch time comes and goes, hot food helps but leaves me feeling dozy.

I take a look through the more inconsequential small canvases on the shelf.  I choose the white 'path of least resistance' and also take out 'SSHHH' as a colour guide...

Not quite finished, but certainly a little shimmy in the right direction.

16.00 hours.  I leave early to catch a train, which takes 4 times as long to get home.  Later trains on the same route are stranded over night, but I am at home with my wife and cat.

the taste of white spirit lingering on my tongue

[WEDNESDAY 24 NOVEMBER 2010]
With Christmas coming there are toys to be made, so that all the little boys and girls don't have sad faces on Christmas day.  This means I've had extra payed work to do this morning in the workshop with Santa's elves.

But I'm ready to paint now...

My first task was to try and get that secret date plaque back on track.  I masked out the numbers and commenced with throwing whatever I could find at it: white spirit; oil paint; ink; clean water; dirty water; anything.  I poured and scraped and splattered it all on, then poured and scraped and wiped it off.  The masking fluid didn't last long, but the result was pleasing, and I took it outside to dry in the low November sun.

I've had the taste of white spirit lingering on my tongue ever since.  No amount of tea, water or cake can shift it.  I do wonder what this does to my insides.

Satisfied with myself, I've begun the next phase of "the pink path of least resistance trickling through a crack in a rock face", or "the rock face" as I affectionately call it. I wonder will I ever be happy with it?  But I must persevere or it will always be there, lurking in the corner.  I've decided to knock the glow back a bit so the neon appears deeper in the crack.

As soon as I've done this, I have a brain-wave:  Out comes the red-neon light I bought recently.  I secrete it between the joists under a shed in the garden and take some photos of the intense glow emanating from the darkness. This will give me something to reference for my next attack on "the rock face".

NEXT!  I take up my tools and set upon the large square canvas of Le Corbusier's Marseille blue-print for modern living.  The tools I use: some antique Winton no.39 Terre Verte oil colour, and then a piece of charcoal rescued from the bonfire, which looks like some kind of monolithic totem when seen out of scale.

I work on the foliage and then I go home.

No paint today

There will be no Wednesday Painter-ing today.


Instead I will be spending the afternoon at the hospital, and the evening at a meeting in London about an exhibition.

[The two are not related, and I'm hoping the latter makes up for the former.]

the most un-productive day

[WEDNESDAY 10 NOVEMBER 2010]
This morning I have been running a few internet errands.  I will now make a cup of tea and be off to the studio...

I did a bit of secret testing for an idea I have involving a strobe light.  Call me enigmatic, but I don't want to say any more at this stage.

So after I'd stamped a stroboscopic light-show onto my poor retinae, I unpacked my new neon bulbs and made some reference photos for 'Ne Travaillez Jamais'.

Then I actually did some painting:  After the white neon on black success of last week, I pulled out a white neon 'path of least resistance' and gave it a werking over.  I left it at lunch time. It needs more werk.

I returned after lunch and faffed around for a while.  Nothing was getting done, I transferred the neon photos to the old Mac for reference purposes.  Everything I am werking on is either wet or stuck.  I leave early and go and take some photos of some old junk I plan to put on eBay.  It was the most un-productive day in quite a while.

a corner turned

[WEDNESDAY 03 NOVEMBER 2010]
Just doing some computering before I head out into the crisp sunny morn... And I'm off.

I faffed for a bit with the secret date plaque, then made some more mess on "Rock face" number 2.  Then I had to do a bit of payed work for an hour.  By which time it was time for lunch.  After which I can't resist checking my emails, even though I know it will end in yet another bout of procrastination.

This afternoon I will do some proper painting.

Progress was slow: a flurry of activity on the pink neon path (trickling down through the crack in the old "rock face"), but then I was stuck.  I threw some more oily muck down the latest "rock face" just to try and unlock the creative forces.  No joy.

Cup of tea and a bit of tinkering with an old amplifier...

Around 4.30pm there was a change.  I decided to have a mess with SSSHH.  This white neon in blackness has been evading me for too long. Time to take it in hand.  I found a neon photo on the computer: White neon with a green tint in the glow.  Recipe: Titanium White + a touch of Emerald Green +  a smidgen of Prussian Blue (Lamp Black to darken).

Success!  I leave the studio with a spring in my step and a corner turned.

OXIDE OF CHROMIUM

[WEDNESDAY 27 OCTOBER 2010]
I have spent this morning doing some (payed) werk, and also catching up on a few emails and things. It is now 10.43am and I will go and make a cup of tea and head on out to the studio...

It is now 10.53am and I am still on this infernal computer.  I really, honestly, am going now.

First task: I paint in some sky and find a vintage tube of Oxide of Chromium to give to the trees

Post-lunch: Another fun-filled time painting and pouring on "rock face" number 2.

Later: I was merrily werking away, intending to bring the neon glow on the secret date plaque back to a whiter shade (it's looking decidedly yellow).  But too much paint, and we're losing the background.  I blend it out good and hard.  Still no joy.  Emergency procedures: flood a load of white spirit down the surface.

And then I have to go and fuck it up completely.  I was rubbing it back, but the white has spread everywhere, the background is getting lost under a haze of white, which is growing and growing.  fuckfuckfuck.

Looks like we're back to scratch.  I add some green and black to get rid of the white, but I have a feeling I'll be starting again on this from the ground up next week...